A very special thing

I feel the need to put myself on front street. During my short time in Mississippi while was I was on my way to Texas I had a very deep conversation with my Aunt Angela about God. Talking about religion makes me feel uncomfortable and afraid that I will be judged. I have not been to church regularly nor prayed in years.

When I was 12 my parents converted to Taoism. They have allowed my sisters and I to make our own decisions on the matter while educating us on different religions around the world. My 15 year old sister is making it a point to read the Bible before she chooses not to believe in it. I applaud her efforts. She is doing something I have been too afraid to do. I only remember the Bible from before I was 12. Up to the age of 12 we went to Church all the time. My parents were devout Christians and we only listened to Gospel music. All of those 90s artists such as Tupac, Biggie, and whoever was out at the time I had no knowledge of them. I still to do this day cannot relate to the hype or the songs that were put out. I was very involved in church as a child and had many childhood friends there. Then one day we stopped going and I never did question it. Secretly I was happy not to go because I did not like sitting through the sermons. 

The conversation with my Aunt Angela has really had me thinking. This conversation sparked because she asked to pray for me for my surgery that I'll be having this summer. She asked me if I believed there was a God. I hesitated to answer her for fear how she might judge me and finally said that "if a lot of people believe in him then there must be a God." Yes I know that answer danced around my opinion but I have to protect myself. She dug a little a deeper until I said "Does it mean that I have to believe in God too the way Christians believe in him?". Those are my real feelings on the subject. I'm not a horrible person. I hold the same morals and values most Christians do I just don't practice Christianity.


She gave me her testimony on how she developed her relationship with God. I won't share because I feel like its private and special. In the end she told me if I ever chose to question if God is there then I should be careful in how I ask because He could make it painful or good. After the conversation she did something really special for me, she prayed. 


I'm not sure what direction I want to take my life in religiously but my Aunt definitely had an effect on me.